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This was supposed to be a post about Hanukkah, the Festival of Lights. I was going to write about the fond memories of childhood lighting the menorah with my sisters, marvelling at the way the licking flames from our candles would throw shadows onto dark walls, and how each night, the light from the menorah would grow with each new candle, until the eighth night, when the warm glow from the full row of candles made the frost and snow and chilling cold of wintertime feel far, far away.

Instead, my latkes came out like shit.

It could have been my ingredients, perhaps too moist to allow for proper frying. It could have been my pan, a one-time non-stick that had most definitely seen better (and slipperier) days. It could have also been my technique, using both butter and oil to try to get more flavor.

Regardless, my latkes were failures. They didn’t brown properly, they stuck to the pan, and I ended up with pale, mediocre hash browns.

My ancestors weep in their graves at my incompetence.

I had such high hopes. Humility, thy name is latke.

This is not the end.

The latke shall return.

– Max.

Please read this article and consider making a contribution to the “Help Max Acquire the Biggest Fucking White Truffle Ever” fund.

Dude wants to sell it by Sunday, so clearly, time is of the essence. I’ll share as much of it as you want. Shave it on to your breakfast cereal for all I care. Or just rub it all over your body. Lord knows I’ll be doing plenty of that if I can swing the deal.

Your donations are much appreciated.

– Max.

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